Holidays

For the past several years, the holidays haven't meant much to me. It's been nice because I've gotten to see family, but that's really about it.

I think the last time I really enjoyed Christmas was in high school, or maybe my freshman year in college. Since then it just hasn't been the same.

I think this year will be different, but not back to what it was. I feel like I'm in a better place. The seasonal feeling of depression hasn't hit like it did in the past. I'm actually motivated to make cookies, and look for Christmas decorations, and hang ornaments on a tree. Christmas music doesn't make me want to vomit (for the most part). I'd say that's progress...

But this year, I'm on my own. Tonight (that would be Thanksgiving), I'm working. I've never had to work on thanksgiving before. It didn't occur to me that it would be a big deal until this morning. I realized it was thanksgiving, and I was watching the Macy's parade by myself. I felt very alone. I wasn't cooking, or helping cook. So I took a nap and had bad dreams. I woke up, and went to the fire dept. to eat turkey with my pseudofamily, but it wasn't the same. And when I left, I felt very alone, and upset, because the "after-thanksgiving-meal" family time that I'm used to didn't happen. It kinda sucks...

So, in short, today is a downer day.